The office doesn’t fix loneliness at work

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People often see the return-to-office debate in black-and-white: In-person work fosters connection, while remote work breaks it down. In 2025, 37% of companies required office attendance , up from 17% the year before. Companies like Amazon, JPMorgan, and AT&T have all issued similar mandates. The idea is simple: Bring people back to the office, and connection and engagement will follow. But the facts show something else. MIT Sloan Management Review looked at the data and found that these mandates hurt employee engagement and lead to more people leaving, especially top performers. Eight out of 10 companies said they lost talent because of return-to-office rules . The research also found no improvement in financial results from these mandates. So organizations are losing their best people and not gaining anything in return. The implicit promise of the office In our Ally MindsetTM Profile research with over 200 professionals, we asked a simple question: have you felt disconnected from your work in the past month? The results surprised me and challenged the usual way of thinking. Office-based workers reported the highest disconnection at 35%. Mostly remote workers came in at 31%. And fully remote workers, the group supposedly most at risk of isolation, reported the lowest at just 21%. The people commuting to the office every day, sitting among their colleagues, were the most likely to feel disconnected. The people working from home were the least. The question is: why? Going to the office comes with an unspoken promise. The commute, dressing for work, and arranging childcare or a dog walker all suggest that something meaningful is waiting for you. You expect to be with people. But when you get to the office, half your team is on Zoom and the rest are focused on their own work with headphones on. The open floor plan, meant for collaboration, now feels like a library where talking seems out of place. Meetings still happen on screens, even when people are just a few feet apart, because “it’s easier for the remote folks.” The promise of connection is broken. And having a promise broken often feels worse than never having one at all. When you work remotely, you understand that connection takes effort. It means scheduling calls, sending messages, and checking in on purpose. There’s no false hope that just being near others will create connection. Remote workers who feel connected have built those relationships through effort. Office workers, on the other hand, are still waiting for the building to make it happen. Going to work depends on location, but feeling isolated or disconnected does not. Connection theater vs. real connection Many organizations haven’t created real connection. Instead, they have created “connection theater”—it looks like people are together, but there’s no real substance. Mandated office days, open floor plans, Pizza Fridays, and “collaboration spaces” where no one actually collaborates are all examples of structural solutions to a relationship problem. These efforts put people in the same room but don’t give them a real reason to connect beyond just doing their work. In my book Cultivate: The Power of Winning Relationship s, I talk about four types of relationships: Ally, Supporter, Rival, and Adversary. In many return-to-office settings, I see mostly Supporters—people who are friendly and polite but interact only on a surface level. They say good morning and nod in meetings, but no one is having the deeper conversations that build trust: What are you working toward? What’s hard right now? What do you need from me? How are you doing, really? You don’t need an office for these conversations. You need intention. The real difference isn’t between office and remote work. It’s between making time for real connection and just hoping relationships will happen on their own. What to do instead Here’s what you can do: Talk to the people who are in the office. Really! You came in, and maybe half your team isn’t there, but half of another team is—and you might not have spoken to them before. Take this chance. Take off your headphones, walk over, and say hello. Ask what they’re working on. See how your work and theirs might connect, because you’re all part of the same company. Practice what I call scheduled spontaneity: Make time for the casual conversations that used to happen naturally at the watercooler or in the elevator, but won’t return on their own. Set aside five minutes at the start of meetings for real conversation. Leave a little time between calls so people can chat. If you work remotely, set up a coffee chat like you would if you shared a kitchen with your coworkers. Even a quick two-minute chat can help someone feel noticed and valued, and make their workday feel more meaningful—no matter if their commute is across the house or across town. You don’t need a rule to connect. You just need to notice the people around you. Here’s what organizations can do: Measure real connection, not just attendance. The WHO Commission on Social Connection says connection isn’t about being physically close, but about how people relate and interact—the quality of relationships, not just how often people meet. Still, most organizations use office attendance as a stand-in for connection and engagement. That’s like thinking a gym membership means you’re fit. If you want to know if your team is truly connected, ask better questions. Instead of “How many days were you in the office?” ask “Who do you rely on for your success, and who relies on you?” Instead of “Did you attend the team meeting?’ ask “When was the last time someone at work asked how you were doing and really listened?” These answers will tell you more about your team’s health than any attendance report. Presence isn’t connection. It isn’t even productivity Your team doesn’t need more required office days. They need someone who notices when they’re quiet. They need a leader who asks how they’re doing and waits for an honest answer. They need coworkers who see connection as essential, not just something extra. Being present isn’t the same as being connected. It never was. The sooner leaders understand this, the sooner they’ll build teams people want to join, no matter where they work.